Wish you were here?

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"Hello, I'm Judith Chalmers.  This week I'm visiting a fabulous new resort theme park called Silverlake Car Spares, located just outside Southampton.

"It's aimed at the new class of aspirational holidaymaker who doesn't want the traditional sun, sea and beach experience, but instead wants an exhaust manifold for £20, and maybe some crisps out of a vending machine.

"On arrival I was greeted by a cast member dressed in some wonderfully authentic-looking filthy overalls.  Staying in character throughout, he addressed me as 'mate' and directed me to the main entertainment complex.
"This comprises several hundred cars arranged in rows, each boasting exquisite patina.  There were already many holidaymakers present, enjoying activities such as spilling the contents of a radiator down their trousers.
"I settled down to a pleasant 30 mins of spannering on a Picasso that somebody had helpfully ripped the face off.  Disappointingly, at no point during this was I chased by a flock of angry geese - Silverlake could certainly take some lessons from Bacon's scrapyard in King's Lynn, who provide this kind of interactive live animal attraction free to every visitor.

"Overall I was very impressed with my stay, and will certainly visit again.  I was especially excited to find a MX5 instrument cowl for £5 that was slightly less fucked than the one I already have.  Yeah, I swear on the internet... I can do that now I'm not on TV."

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